Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
