Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
