Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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