she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The adults are the big ones right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
