i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
