Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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