Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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