I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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