the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
