Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
