i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
