Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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