i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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