the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
