I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
