i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
