then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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