Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
