The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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