Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
