Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
