he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
