i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
