I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
