1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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