its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
