Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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