one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
