Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
