I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
