If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
