She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
