If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize