why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
