Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
