the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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