mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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