ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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