Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
