Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every concussion has its silver lining
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
