My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize