I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize