he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize