all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He felt like a one man threesome
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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