tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
