So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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