ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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