i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
