I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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