I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
