What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
