Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
