I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
