went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
