i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
