i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
