Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
