: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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