I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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