I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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