I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
