I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
