that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
