a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
