I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
