Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
