"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
