You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
