I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
