the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
