Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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