Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
