Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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