you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
