All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
