dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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