Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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