I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
