I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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