this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
