you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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