ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
