I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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