I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
