He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
