She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
