I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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