I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
