I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
