I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
