How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
