He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize