yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
