Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
