you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
