I'm jealous of your bromance
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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