Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
