using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
