I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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