Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
