i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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