When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
