hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
