So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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