Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
